is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
