You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
