i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My legs feel like baby dolphins
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
