never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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