sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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