Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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