Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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