We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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