Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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