at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
