It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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