do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
