You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
