is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
