We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
