he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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