I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
