your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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