T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
