Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize