My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
birth control should be required to get into college
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
