god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
