he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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