What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
