Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
