I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
