so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
