Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
