eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize