i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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