I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just invented taco cereal.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
