I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
