I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am naked and annoyed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
