dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
40s are totally the cure
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
