the condom got lost in my hair
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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