i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
