Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
