I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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