my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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