mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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