She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish you could order shots online.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
