I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
