You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
