Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
