they need to just BURY HIM!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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