actually, I'm a sock model
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
