Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
