no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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