Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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