due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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