I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
