You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
