What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
