I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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