WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
please come you make the beer taste better
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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