Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize