Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
