I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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