This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize