This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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