it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
