i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
