This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
